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On this date, 18 years ago, i became a sideshow marvel. David Apocalypse asked me if i would come to the “Hemp Ball” at the University of Pittsburgh Student Union and fill in as security. For something like a “Hemp Ball,” my diminutive frame at the time was ample to perform whatever security duties required. Stoners are particularly vulnerable to psychological influence.

We headed over to Oakland together with his lady and fire eater, Jackie, and i helped load their circus sideshow stuff into the venue. It wasn’t long before Dave started to worry about his insectivore who was late. When he learned that Animal Boy wouldn’t be able to make it, he turned to me. I had seen Circus Apocalypse a couple of times, and i knew the routine: You chew up the maggots, crickets, and worms, wag your tongue at the girls in the front row, they say, “Eww,” and you take a bow.

“Hey, Drew, you wanna eat some bugs?” and next thing i know, i’m getting into the oversize tuxedo and shaking the bedding out of the containers with the bugs. For some reason the thought of saw dust in my mouth made the idea of eating bugs seem less palatable. When the time came i, a seasoned stage performer, took my cues and performed the insectivore act as if i was a pro. A star was born. Hideous and socially malevolent, sure, but a star nonetheless. I think i was introduced as “Drew the Shrew.” Ahem.

Find more artists like GH! featuring Andrew the Impaled at Myspace Music

Why do I still get up when
I know it’s the same old day again?
Maybe this time something’s changed?
The coffee’s still the same and
I know all the people here
I’ll die of boredom now I fear

When is it coming down?
When will it hit the ground?
Light up this whole damn town?

A brisk walk to the river
Might be just the thing to clear my mind
Before this funk gets settled in
Just me, my thoughts, and pen and
A view to inspire
But I close my eyes and all I see is fire.

When is it coming down?
When will it hit the ground?
Light up this whole damn town?

Hell, i’ll head to the back yard
Where I might find a friend indeed
Help me change my attitude
I’ll soak up each detail, you know
These times are gold
‘Cause soon this all will be a smoking hole

Just can’t drown out the voices
Who from time to time still call on me
To tell you all just what i’ve seen
I now know the how and why
But not the hour we’ll meet our fate
So I just go out onto the roof and wait

When is it coming down? Like a second sun
When will it hit the ground? Smite everyone
Light up this whole damn town? Like a bomb

Why do I still get up when
I know it’s the same old day again
Maybe this time something’s changed
The world is still the same
And I still don’t know my place
Same thing could be said for the human race

Our company created the voice that was used for Sharon’s “new interest” in this episode. It’s pretty damn funny, and i am thoroughly pleased to have had worked on a voice that appeared on South Park. In addition to our “traditional voices” we also have a wide variety of “character voices”  that you can check out at www.voiceforge.com. One of my favorites is French Fry. Let me know if you have any interest in using our text-to-speech voices for your project.