andrewtheimpaled

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On this date, 18 years ago, i became a sideshow marvel. David Apocalypse asked me if i would come to the “Hemp Ball” at the University of Pittsburgh Student Union and fill in as security. For something like a “Hemp Ball,” my diminutive frame at the time was ample to perform whatever security duties required. Stoners are particularly vulnerable to psychological influence.

We headed over to Oakland together with his lady and fire eater, Jackie, and i helped load their circus sideshow stuff into the venue. It wasn’t long before Dave started to worry about his insectivore who was late. When he learned that Animal Boy wouldn’t be able to make it, he turned to me. I had seen Circus Apocalypse a couple of times, and i knew the routine: You chew up the maggots, crickets, and worms, wag your tongue at the girls in the front row, they say, “Eww,” and you take a bow.

“Hey, Drew, you wanna eat some bugs?” and next thing i know, i’m getting into the oversize tuxedo and shaking the bedding out of the containers with the bugs. For some reason the thought of saw dust in my mouth made the idea of eating bugs seem less palatable. When the time came i, a seasoned stage performer, took my cues and performed the insectivore act as if i was a pro. A star was born. Hideous and socially malevolent, sure, but a star nonetheless. I think i was introduced as “Drew the Shrew.” Ahem.